With the end of winter quarter close at hand, I cannot help but think back on my first year of college & think forward to my next year, and beyond.
I feel even more internally conflicted than I had before starting college.
My interests & skills have always pointed me towards English. It has always been the most rewarding class for me. Brainstorming my ideas on paper, generating an outline, & composing drafts are what bring me the most fulfillment and challenges.
However, I have many other interests which I am having difficulty ruling out as potential majors (business, journalism, & criminal justice). Entering college with nearly two quarters worth of credits already under my belt, I soon felt pressured to select a major. Sure, I am thankful that my diligent work in high school paid off, but having sophomore standing as a freshman brings substantial pressure. Given the ridiculously high cost of attending college, I feel pressured to carefully select my classes and to quickly decide on a major which is economical (and hopefully interesting to me).
The number one question on my mind consistently is “what am I going to do with my life?”
There are so many areas of study which interest me, it is next to impossible for me to grasp the idea that I must choose just one subject to focus on. I love reading historical nonfiction books/ textbooks. I love reading nonfiction in general. I love analyzing people and what their behavior signals about their personality & experiences. I love learning the Spanish language and making connections between it and the English language. I love close reading texts and reaching a point of understanding of the author’s goals. I love writing. Simply, I love to learn.
When I envision the future, way beyond the horizon, I do not see a clear picture.
Standing on the hill in Gas Works Park one evening at sunset, my frustration increased as I could not figure out why my images were turning out blurry. Given, I had only recently purchased my new & first DSLR camera. Nevertheless, the short-term struggle I faced to capture Seattle’s skyline at dusk seemed insurmountable at the time. I had pressed buttons, turned knobs, rotated lenses, cleaned the lens on my sleeve, and I even turned the camera off & on in hopes of getting rid of the blurriness. Eventually, I solved the problem. (Yes, it would have been much easier to read the camera manual in its entirety, but sometimes trial & error do the trick as well). The point is that when the camera came into focus I forgot about the troubles I had up to then. I had reached my goal. My mind shifted from worried to relaxed.
Although I am facing many, many possibilities and unknowns regarding the future, especially my major, I know that someday soon they clear away. Struggle is temporary, success is forever.
Maybe a little bit of unknown is just enough to keep the prospect of tomorrow exciting.
I apologize for the lack of recent posts. Blame midterms. Speaking of those, it is almost time for those again, so my posts may be quiet for the next few weeks.
Thank you to my english teacher, Helen, who reminded me of my passion for writing today 🙂